We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just tell him i said nine months
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
