Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
