Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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