even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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