I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
