I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
