I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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