i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
