So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
