Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
