i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
