I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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