I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
