great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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