i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
