After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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