whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
