Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
