The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
