i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
