Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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