I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
