apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
