Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
