I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
