and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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