I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
