is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
