talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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