It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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