What did we do last night that was yellow?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
