I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
