Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
