I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
