So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
