i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
