im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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