I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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