I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
