As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
