I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
