i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
