my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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