I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
