Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
