david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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