i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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