Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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