69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
