Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
