remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
