if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
