Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
