We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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