how can u be prego again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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